FOURTH STEP: MADE A SEARCHING AND FEARLESS MORAL INVENTORY OF OURSELVES.
In the last post, we began by taking a searching and fearless moral inventory of the triune God, (God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit). We launched an extraction of every accusation; every culpable reason one might think of to blame God for every dark area of his/her life; barrenness, fatherless, motherless, rape, addiction, homosexuality, sickness, disease, injury, death, murder, poverty, hunger, famine, hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, earthquakes, tsunamis, and volcanoes . . . . Did I miss anything???
Also in the last post, we inventoried all of the Scriptures relative to barrenness, fatherlessness and motherlessness. Fearlessly and morally we intend to continue exploring God’s Word in opposition to mere man. The man perceived as the “holiest man” on earth, the Pope; the “Holy See,” his Priests, Cardinals, Nuns, et. Al. Consequently, some of you learned for the first time in the last post, God’s Word says . . .“THERE IS NONE RIGHTEOUS, NOT EVEN ONE . . .”(Romans 3:10)
“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter.”(Matthew 7:21)(Bold added)(Italics added)
Because rape is such an expansive subject matter, we are going to take this topic incrementally. Again, we will begin with God’s Word; exegetical inferences where rape occurred biblically. Likewise, the first occurrence is in the book of Judges.
Men in the city, “worthless fellows,” Judg 19 v. 22 surrounded the house, banging on the door told the man of the house, “Bring out the man who came in to your house that we may have relations with him,” v. 22. The homeowner refused stating, “No, my fellows, please do not act so wickedly; since this man has come into my house, do not commit this act of folly,” v. 23. (Bold added)(Italics added)
The homeowner offered up his daughter who was a virgin and his concubine to be “ravished; whatever they wished,” v. 24. (NASB) The men refused, determined to have relations with the man. Consequently, the Levite forced the concubine over to the men in the city. The concubine was raped and abused throughout the night until dawn, at which time she returned, fallen dead at the doorway. As a result, the Levite cut up his concubine into twelve pieces, separating each limb and sent her body parts out to Israel.
Every person who saw the body parts stated, “Nothing like this has ever happened or been seen from the day when the sons of Israel came up from the land of Egypt to this day. Consider it, take counsel and speak up!” (Judges 19:30)
THE BACKDROP OF THIS STORY . . .
A specific Levite living in Ephraim married a concubine he met in Judah, Bethlehem. The Bible describes this concubine as a harlot, (a prostitute) and a wife who left the Levite and ran back to her father’s where she stayed for four months. The Levite retrieves his wife from the father-in-law, traveling with two donkeys and a servant. The father-in law manipulates the Levite to stay in his house for 4 days, (intending on a 5th day). But the Levite left, took his donkeys, his servant and his concubine (his wife) and traveled until they reached the city of Gibeah, (the place owned by the Benjamin tribe). (Judges 19:1-10)
The servant tries to convince the Levite to stay in Jebus, Jerusalem (home of the Jebusites) because the sun was going down. But the Levite refused because it was not land belonging to the Israelites. Instead, they landed in Gibeah, greeted by this old man, a field worker who asked, “Where are you going, and where do you come from?” (Judg 19: 11-17). The old man takes in the Levite, his servant, the concubine and the donkeys because the old man knew they were in Benjamite territory, (a dangerous place, particularly the open square in the middle of the city). At this time the old man was winning and dining the Levite, his servant and the concubine when the men surrounded the house, banging on the door demanding the old man to send the Levite out so that they can rape him, Judg 19 v. 22. But the old man offers up his virgin daughter and the Levites’ concubine instead.
THE RAPISTS WERE OF THE TWELVE TRIBES OF ISRAEL . . .
The men (the rapists) were from Gibeah, the tribe of Benjamin, a tribe that is cut off from Israel, Judg 21 v. 6. The Benjamites numbered 35,400 men, Num 1 v. 37. The tribe of Benjamin inherited the territory between the sons of Judah and the sons of Joseph, Joshua 18 v. 11. Clearly, the Benjamin tribe was one of the twelve tribes of Israel.
On the other hand, “ . . . the LORD set apart the tribe of Levi to carry the ark of the covenant of the LORD, to stand before the LORD to serve Him and to bless in His name until this day.” (Deu 10:8)
Ergo, “These were the sons of Levi according to their fathers’ households, even the heads of the fathers’ households of those of them who were counted, in the number of names by their census, doing the work for the service of the house of the LORD, from twenty years old and upward.” (1 Ch 23:24)(Bold added)(Italic added)
ONLY THE LEVITICAL PRIESTS WERE CONSIDERED HOLY . . .
Likewise, “no one is to enter the house of the Lord except the priests and the ministering Levites; they may enter, for they are holy. . .” (2 Chronicles 23:6) (Underline added). The Levites were the only tribe that did not worship the Golden Calf when Moses went to the top of the mountain to transcribe the Ten Commandments. Consequently, the Levites were chosen instead of the first born of each tribe.
Thus, the genealogical enrollment of the Levites intailed “all their little children, their wives, their sons and their daughters, for the whole assembly, for they consecrated themselves faithfully in holiness.” (2 Ch 31:18) (Bold added)(Italics added)
Moreover, the Benjamites intended to rape the Levite; a brother from the twelve tribes of Israel. Keep in mind, the Israelites were set apart; God’s people, Exo 3 v.10. When one had a problem, they all had a problem. Consequently, they held a counsel meeting with the chiefs of all the people and all the tribes of Israel including the land of Dan, Beersheba and Gilead.
The Levite testified, “The men of Gibeah, which belongs to Benjamin . . . Rose up against me and surrounded the house at night because of me. They intended to kill me; instead, they ravished my concubine so that she died. And I took hold of my concubine and cut her in pieces and sent her throughout the land of Israel’s inheritance; for they have committed a lewd and disgraceful act in Israel. Behold, all you sons of Israel, give your advice and counsel here.” (Jud 20:5-6)
First, as a consequence for the men of Gibeah, the Sons of Israel decided to take 1/10 of the Israel tribes and force them to serve the people visiting Gibeah because of “all of the disgraceful acts they committed in Israel,” Jud 20 v. 10.
Second, the Sons of Israel went to Gibeah looking for the rapist(s), the “worthless fellows”. . . “that they may put them to death and remove the wickedness from Israel.” The Sons of Benjamin refused to give them up. Instead, they decided to start a civil war against the Sons of Israel. By this time, Benjamin had 26,000 men, “700 choice men; left-handed that could sling a stone at a hair and not miss.” Jud 20 v. 16.
On the other hand, the Sons of Israel had 400,000 men. Before they went to war with their brothers, they sought council from the Lord. “Who shall go up first for us to battle against the sons of Benjamin?”
Then the LORD said, “Judah shall go up first.” Jud 20 v 19. The first day of battle, the Sons of Israel lost 22,000 men. They cried and petitioned the Lord again, “Shall we again draw near for battle against the sons of my brother Benjamin?”
Again, the LORD instructed the Sons of Israel, “Go up against him.” Jud 20 v. 24.
The second day of battle, the Sons of Israel lost 18,000 men. Again they cried, and they fasted and Phinehas ministered to his brothers in the presence of the Holy Spirit in the Ark of the Covenant, saying “Shall I yet again go out to battle against the sons of my brother Benjamin, or shall I cease?”
Once again, the LORD instructed the Sons of Israel, “Go up, for tomorrow I will deliver them into your hand.”
In the third day of war, the Sons of Israel drew the Benjamites out along the highway and they came out from their hiding place, surrounded the Benjamites and “the LORD struck Benjamin before Israel, so that the sons of Israel destroyed 25,100 men of Benjamin that day, all who draw the sword.” Jud 20 v. 35. They continued to fight, the Benjamites killing the Sons of Israel, determined to win the battle.
But the Sons of Israel were waiting on a sign, a cloud of smoke that indeed rose from the city. When the Benjamites turned around, captivated by the cloud, the entire city went up to heaven in a cloud of smoke, v. 40. Thus, the Benjamites were terrified, they were surrounded, 18,000 Benjamites died; their most valiant warriors, v. 44.
The rest of the Benjamites, ran away. Nearly 5,000 were caught and killed. Then another 2,000 were killed at Gideon. In total 25,000 Benjamites died that day, only the ones “who drew the sword” against the Sons of Israel. The Sons of Israel later discovered another 600 Benjamites stayed at Rimmon but were killed there four (4) months later. Then the Sons of Israel went back to the city and set it on fire. Every person who drew a sword against the Sons of Israel were destroyed.
WHAT IS THE MORAL OF THIS STORY . . .
Same sex rape in this Scripture is described as “wickedly acts; folly” deserving of death according to God!. . . Bring forth the man . . . that we may know him,”(KJV). Hebrew word; יָדַע yada, verb :to know (a person carnally). Carnally; relating to or given to crude bodily pleasures and appetites.
SIN MUST BE PUNISHED . . .
The LORD initiated the KILLING of HIS own holy people instructing the Sons of Israel; he told the Sons of Israel,“Judah shall go up first. . .” The second time the LORD informed the Sons of Israel, “Go up against him, (Benjamin)” and a third time the LORD commanded the Sons of Israel to “Go up, for tomorrow I will deliver them into your hand,” code for they are going to DIE! . . . His holy people? . . .ABSOLUTELY!!!
The LORD will NOT allow HIS NAME to be profaned, [to treat (something sacred) with abuse, irreverence or contempt : desecrate].
IN EVERY BIBLICAL LANGUAGE HIS WORD RINGS TRUE . . .
“No one is holy like the Lord! There is no one other than you! There is no rock like our God!” ( 1 Sam 2:2) (New English Translation).
“There is no one holy like the Lord, Indeed, there is no one besides You, Nor is there any rock like our God.” (1 Sam 2:2)(New American Standard Bible Translation)
“There is no one holy like the LORD, Indeed, there is no one besides You, Nor is there any rock like our God.” (1 Sam 2:2) (New Catholic Bible Translation)
WHY WAS THERE A NEED FOR THE PRIEST IN CHURCH HISTORY???
According to the Bible the Levites, “. . . office is to assist the sons of Aaron with the service of the house of the LORD, in the courts and in the chambers and in the purifying of all holy things, even the work of the service of the house of God, and with the showbread, and the fine flour for a grain offering, and unleavened wafers, or what is baked in the pan or what is well-mixed, and all measures of volume and size. They are to stand every morning to thank and to praise the LORD, and likewise at evening, and to offer all burnt offerings to the LORD, on the sabbaths, the new moons and the fixed festivals in the number set by the ordinance concerning them, continually before the LORD. Thus they are to keep charge of the tent of meeting, and charge of the holy place, and charge of the sons of Aaron their relatives, for the service of the house of the LORD.” (1 Ch 23:28-32)(Bold added)(Italics added) Therefore, the priest in the Old Testament made atonements in regard to the sins which the people had committed in accordance with the Levitical Laws. (Leviticus 1:1 – 26:46)
THE LEVITICAL PRIESTS . . . ARE . . . NO . . . LONGER . . . NEEDED TODAY!
“Now the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, “This is what applies to the Levites: from twenty-five years old and upward they shall enter to perform service in the work of the tent of meeting. But at the age of fifty years they shall retire from service in the work and not work any more.” (Numbers 8:23-25)(Bold added)(Italics added)
For David said, “The LORD God of Israel has given rest to His people, and He dwells in Jerusalem forever. Also, the Levites will no longer need to carry the tabernacle and all its utensils for its service.” (1 Ch 23:25-26)(Bold added)(Italics added)(Underline added)
JESUS IS NOW THE PROPITIATION FOR SINS FOR THE WHOLE WORLD!!!
“. . . And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; and He Himself is the propitiation for our sins; and not for ours only, but also for those of the whole world.” (1 John 2:1-2)(Bold added)(Italics added)
“ . . . the one who practices sin is of the devil; for the devil has sinned from the beginning. The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil.” (1 John 3: 8)
For “THE NAME OF GOD IS BLASPHEMED AMONG THE GENTILES BECAUSE OF YOU,” just as it is written. (Romans 2:24)(Bold added)
“It is true … there have been priests and even bishops who have done this. I think it is still going on because something does not stop just because you have become aware of it,” confessed Pope Francis, stating that the sexual abuse of nuns by clergy has been “global and pervasive.” As an example, a Bishop in India was apprehended because of accusations of raping a single Nun thirteen (13) times in the period of two years. Another Vatican investigation held in Chile caused the women to be isolated from their initial appointment. Based on the BBC report, this universal network of abuse has purportedly “become so insidious” that the Catholic Church elders either permit the abuse to persist “in the face of complicity or exasperation or dissolve entire congregations irrevocably affected by it.” (https://allthatsinteresting.com/pope-francis-sex-slaves)
THEIR SINS ARE NOT FORGIVEN FOR THEY HAVE BLASPHEMED THE HOLY SPIRIT . . .
Blasphemy in the Scripture is described as and unforgivable sin against the Holy Spirit. The Greek word; βλασφημία, blasphemia, feminine noun: 1) slander, detraction, speech injurious, to another’s good name, 2) impious and reproachful speech injurious to divine majesty.
Christopher Livesay, Special Correspondent, interviewed Nuns on behalf of Vatican City which aired June 11, 2019 on PBS News. In Chris’ interview with Doris Wagner, (a former Nun) who stated that she, “tried the convent in 2003 and raped in 2008.” She was 24 years old then living in the “La Famiglia Spiritual ‘L’Opera” Community. Ms. Wagner described the rape and the series of events she endured from the Priest . . . “He came into the room, closed the door behind him, was sitting on my right hand, on the sofa and he just started to undress me.” (https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/abused-nuns-reveal-stories-of-rape-forced-abortions)
Apparently, Ms. Wagner disclosed the rape to her authoritarians but the perportrator went undisciplined, “. . . allowing him to rape her again and again.” She recounts the rapist (Priest) was living in the Convent where she had to see him daily. She divulges, “He was preaching at the Chaplin, He was giving me Holy Communion, he was sitting at breakfast, at lunch, at dinner at the same table. I was ironing his shirts.”
When the Priest raped the Nun and continued in the service of God, giving “Holy Communion,” he committed blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. The Holy Communion are the quoted Words of Jesus Christ, (indicated in Red in the Bible).
“ . . . and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, “This is My body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of Me.” In the same way He took the cup also after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in My blood; do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of Me.” For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until He comes. (1 Corinthians 11:24-26)
Furthermore, the Priest serving Holy Communion in the capacity of God’s church while raping is saying that the Holy Spirit is unclean. May it never be!!!
“Truly I say to you, all sins shall be forgiven the sons of men, and whatever blasphemies they utter; but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit never has forgiveness, but is guilty of an eternal sin”— because they were saying, “He has an unclean spirit.”( Mark 3:28-30)(Bold added)(Italics added)
Scripture says one has to examine himself/herself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup. Anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself/herself. Furthermore, Rape in the capacity of a holy one of God is a misrepresentation defaming and damaging the reputation of the Triune God, (God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit). Rape is considered a detraction, the sinful act in the capacity of a Priest denigrates the reputation of the Holy Spirit, thereby blaspheming the Holy Spirit; an unforgivable sin! “Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord.
“So that, whoever is eating the bread or drinking the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner shall be guilty of the body and the blood of the Lord. But let an individual be putting himself to the test for the purpose of approving himself and finding that he meets the prescribed specifications, let him thus be eating of the bread and drinking of the cup. For the one who eats and drinks is eating and drinking so as to bring judgment upon himself if he does not properly evaluate the body.” (1 Corinthians 11:27-29)
“Therefore I say to you, any sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven people, but blasphemy against the Spirit shall not be forgiven. Whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man, it shall be forgiven him; but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit, it shall not be forgiven him, either in this age or in the age to come.” (Matt 12:31-32)(Bold added)(Italics added)
THE BIBLICAL RAPE OF A WOMAN . . .
Two Brothers in the Bible; Amnon and Absalom whose Sister was named Tamar; all three children of King David. One day Amnon was pretending to be sick and asked King David if his Sister, Tamar could come and serve him. The King granted his wish, sent word for Tamar stating, “Go now to your brother Amnon’s house, and prepare food for him.” Tamar did as instructed preparing all the food in the sight of Amnon, but he refused to eat it. He sent everyone away commanding Tamar to bring the food to his bedroom and feed him. When Tamar brought the cakes to him to eat, Amnon grabbed her and instructed her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” (2 Samuel 13:7-11)
But Tamar refused saying, “No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this disgraceful thing! As for me, where could I get rid of my reproach? And as for you, you will be like one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.” (2 Sa 13:12-13)
Amnon ignored Tamar’s plea, refusing to listen. He overpowered her and the Bible says Amnon “violated her and lay with her.” 2 Sa 13 v. 14 Now after he raped his Sister, he hated her. The Bible says his hatred was greater than the genuine love he once had for his Sister. He demanded her to leave, “Get up, go away!” 2 Sa 13 v. 15. Amnon even tells his slave to throw his Sister out of the house and lock the door behind her.
Tamar refused stating, “No, because this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you have done to me!” 2 Sa 13 v.16. In essence, Amnon is the one who violated his Sister, Tamar, and now Amnon is angry at her? What sense does that make?
Needless to say, Tamar put ashes all over her head, rips her long-sleeved dress, (with her hand over her head) she ran away crying out loud. But her other brother, Absolom hears her crying and asks,
“Has Amnon your brother been with you?” 2 Sa 13 v. 20. Absolom comforts her and tells her to keep this a secret because Amnon is her brother. Absalom, at this point hated Amnon his brother. Even King David learns of the rape, but Absalom neither acknowledges or denies it to the king.
Two years later, Absalom gets a position as a sheepshearer and invites all of the kings sons stating, “Behold now, your servant has sheepshearers; please let the king and his servants go with your servant.” 2 Sa 13 v. 24. King David refused to let all of his servants go because all of those people would be a burden to Absalom. Then he petitioned the king to let him take his brother, Amnon along with all of the king’s sons. King David gave in and permitted all of his Sons to go with Absalom.
Absalom got his Brother, Amnon, intoxicated with wine and commanded his servants to kill his brother, stating, “. . . when I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon,’ then put him to death. Do not fear; have not I myself commanded you? Be courageous and be valiant.” (2 Sa 13 v. 28)
The servants killed Amnon just as Absalom had commanded and fled on their mules. Then someone spread a rumor that Absalom had killed all of king David’s sons. But David’s brother comforted the king telling him, “Do not let my lord suppose they have put to death all the young men, the king’s sons, for Amnon alone is dead; because by the intent of Absalom this has been determined since the day that he violated his sister Tamar. Now therefore, do not let my lord the king take the report to heart, namely, ‘all the king’s sons are dead,’ for only Amnon is dead.” (2 Samuel 13:32-33)(Bold added)(Italics added)
“Everyone who practices sin also practices lawlessness; and sin is lawlessness.” (1 John 3:4)(Bold added)(Italics added)
“ . . . no one who sins has seen Him or knows Him.”(1 John 3:6b)(Bold added)(Italics added)
“Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.” (1 John 2:15-16) (Bold added)(Italics added)
Cardinal Pell, as an elevated archbishop was convicted in 1996, having abused two choir boys inside a Melbourne Cathedral. During that time Pell was the archbishop of the city and founder of the Melbourne Response Program; a program developed by the Church to respond to claims of child sexual abuse. In 1971 he was assigned assistant priest in Swan Hill, Victoria Australia. In 2003, he was appointed archbishop of Sydney, Australia. Just after his appointment, Pope John Paul II nominated him to Vatican’s College for Cardinals. Then a police video was released in 2016 of the 1996 accusations. Consequently, he was forced to take a leave of absence in June 2017. As a result, Pell was demoted from Pope Francis’ inner circle in December of that year. The following year, in March, he was sentenced to six years in prison.
“The one who says, “I have come to know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him . . .”( 1 John 2:4)
“. . . the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked.”(1 John 2:6)
“What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it? Or do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death? Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for he who has died is freed from sin.” (Roman 6:1-7)
“Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, is never to die again; death no longer is master over Him. For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus. (Roman 6:8-11)
“Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its lusts, and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace.”(Romans 6:12-14)
“What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? May it never be! Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness? But thanks be to God that though you were slaves of sin, you became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed, and having been freed from sin, you became slaves of righteousness. I am speaking in human terms because of the weakness of your flesh. For just as you presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness, resulting in further lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness, resulting in sanctification.”(Romans 6:15-19)
“For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. Therefore what benefit were you then deriving from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the outcome of those things is death. But now having been freed from sin and enslaved to God, you derive your benefit, resulting in sanctification, and the outcome, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”(Romans 6:20-23)
“Beloved, I am not writing a new commandment to you, but an old commandment which you have had from the beginning; the old commandment is the word which you have heard.” (1 John 2:7)
The Word of God is clear, completely transparent . . . “God as to His nature is light, and darkness in Him does not exist, not even one particle,” John 1 v. 5.
God is not the author of rape! If you have committed a rape, you must repent—for death is your home! There is no other under heaven by which you can be saved other than Jesus the Christ! Our Lord is a forgiving God! But, his mercy is NOT to be taken lightly! For we all deserve death, were it not for the crucifixion of Jesus the Christ. Now is the time, to ask the Lord to be your Savior! Ask for forgiveness for all of your sins and SIN NO MORE!!!
IF YOU ARE A PRIEST, THE POPE, (ANY TYPE OF LEADER) WHO HAS RAPED AND CONTINUE STANDING IN A MINISTRY CAPACITY REPRESENTING GOD, YOU NEED TO STEP DOWN IMMEDIATELY! NO LONGER WILL YOU BLASPHEME THE NAME OF THE LORD!!!
If you are the victim of rape, ask the Lord Jesus to heal that part of your heart; to turn your stone heart into flesh! This is not to say that you will forget what happened, but you yourself need to pray for forgiveness so you to can be forgiven! That doesn’t mean you can’t or don’t want to press charges for the violation done to you . . . this simply means that you want the Lord to help you move on from the pain and forgive Him, (the Lord) because for so long, you have blamed Jesus. He is NOT to blame! HE IS A GOD WHO KNOWS NO SIN! HE IS SO HOLY, SIN HAD TO BE ASSUAGED!
As you read in the Bible, he loves us so much that he would take a life for his loved ones in the Old Testament. But, because of His Son, Jesus the Christ, we ALL now have propitiation of sins, that means he died for our sins, so go and sin no more!!! Accept the Lord Jesus as your Savior, believe he died for your sins and rose from the dead on the third day! Make this confession! Once you are done! Just believe . . . that’s all! Believe, continue to read your literature, don’t pick up a drug, call your sponsor, continue to go to meetings and pray! More than anything, read your Bible! If you don’t have a Bible, let me know, we have free Bibles!